The Power of Parents' Words

by Betty Hatch

For 28 years, I owned and operated La Belle Professional Training School and Model/Talent Agency. My secretary interrupted me one morning, saying there was someone on the line insisting she speak with me immediately about her daughter. Taking the call, I was greeted by a strong voiced, forceful woman who demanded I meet with her and her daughter personally. She explained that her daughter, Jody, was a very unusual and difficult child who would need special attention in private classes.

I explained that it would be more beneficial for her daughter and less expensive to enroll her in a group course. Again she declared that I must see her daughter before making this decision. We set up a meeting for the following week, “after hours, when no one else would see them arrive.”

My curiosity and imagination took over before the meeting. Would Jody be grossly overweight, deformed, incorrigible or mentally deranged? How would I react? To whom could I refer her? If I enrolled her, how would I get her mother to understand that group classes were more valuable and that I did not teach private classes?

Promptly at 6 P.M. a large woman in her sixties entered my office. Trailing behind her was a 5’ 10” 15 year old with jet black hair and huge blue eyes. They sat in front of my desk in old Spanish chairs positioned about a foot apart. Jody’s mother placed her hand on her daughter’s knee and shook it, as she said, “Look at my daughter, she’s awful; she’s ugly. What can you do with her?”

All my mental preparation had not prepared me for this. Jody was looking down at her hands; her mother was looking at me and I was looking dumbfounded at each of them. What I wanted to say was, “Look, Ma'am, let’s do something with you first, then we’ll work on Jody.” Instead, I heard myself saying, “How soon can she begin her private training with me?”

Training was tough going at first. Jody’s thoughts about herself mirrored her mother’s views. Therefore, to live up to her mother’s expectations, she was rebellious, apathetic and reluctant to listen or participate, but I could tell she wanted to. As she improved, though maintaining her defiant attitude, she stood taller and expressed herself more clearly. On class number five I made a comment about the Beatles. I noticed Jody’s eyes light up and we connected. “If I liked the Beatles, I must be O.K.” seemed to be the new message Jody was sending my way.

Soon Jody’s self perception changed. She discovered how very attractive she was. She learned how to carry herself with pride, look me in the eye and share her inner and outer beauty with others. She no longer thought about herself in the way her mother had trained her. Her confidence soared and at the end of the ten-week training, she asked her mother to let her continue in professional group classes of commercial acting and photography. By this time, her mother was willing to let her join the group courses and her progress advanced even more rapidly.

Jody learned that she was not “awful” and she enjoyed being in front of the camera that proved to her she was not “ugly.” I never saw or spoke with her mother again. However, I still run into Jody in town from time to time. At one of our last meetings, while discussing her La Belle training, I learned that her mother had to buy her a Volkswagen to bribe her to take my training!

This true story demonstrates the power of parents’ words over the thinking, behavior and self-esteem of their children.